a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
