This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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