it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize