and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
