is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize