so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
