Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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