This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
