my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
