I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
