Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
