I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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