it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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