i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
