I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
