I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
