He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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