i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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