Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
