Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
