I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
