when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
