Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
