You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm just crazy horny about you
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
