she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
