I accidentally burped into my bong.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
