i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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