I can tuck mytits in my pants
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
i believe in u and ur pee
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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