You made me cry and you don't even care
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
