Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
