Someone shit on the floor
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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