i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
