it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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