I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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