i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
