So drunk its hurt
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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