no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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