The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
