some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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