I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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