why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
