You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
