I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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