What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My ass is underappreciated
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
