you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Drunk is not a location!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize