is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
