there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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