im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
