oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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