Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize