Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
