I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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