i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
