Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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