I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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