Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
