Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
