I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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