i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
