okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
