some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
not ubering you a puppy
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize