Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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