neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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