There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
