Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
