so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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