What a fucking waste of an outfit
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
