these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
