I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
