I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
