Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
