Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We don't watch enough power rangers
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
