Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
