OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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