I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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