well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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